Tracing the background of Black Friday

First of all, I’d like to thank all our new-found friends who attended our festive celebration yesterday in something we like to call Givingthanks Day. One of our leaders, Standish Myles, came up with the name, and we think it definitely beats out the runner-up entry, Just One More Piece of Pie Day.

But this is 1620, and time tends to move on. Why, just last year, we were a ragged band of Englishmen seeking religious freedom in the Netherlands, before we smartened up and traveled 3,000 miles across the ocean to a land where the real estate is cheaper, the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye, and immigrants are always welcomed and always will be – no matter what part of England they came from.

But, like we like to say in the making-friends-and-customers business, that was yesterday and today is tomorrow. Or was that next week? Which brings us to today’s meeting of the futuristic Native American Tribal Consumers Organization. We have some incredible items made just for your very own teepee during this, our very first Block Friday.

We’ve got every kind of gadget for your block party, plus a few blocks for your gadget party. Either way, you can’ lose unless, of course, you lose, in which case you lose.

Does your tribe suffer the same problem as we do when eating maze? Just look at this handy-dandy and never sandy little knick-knack, that’s big on the knick and short on the knack. We like to call it maze handles, but you’ll just call it amazing. You stick them in the end of your maze, and then leave the nibbling up to you. Isn’t that something – or something else?

Now, are you tired of chasing down eagles just to get that ideal feather to proudly wear atop your head? Well, fret no longer. We’ve contacted our good friends overseas — way overseas — to import genuine, fake eagle feathers made from the finest silk of a far-off land called Maiden China – or similar materials produced in the remnants of Jamestown. It’ll keep your wig warm while tending your flock of wild geese – or whatever it is you do all day while you’re not actually doing proper business to make wampum like it is an Englishman’s lot in life to do. Alas.

OK, got off the track a bit there. But, while on the hunt, do you ever get off the path yourself and can’t find your way back home? Well, we’ve got something just out from Pilgrim Products called a divining rod. It may not get you back home, but you’ll have a wonderful time finding new sources of water and perhaps even gold. OK, not gold. But that’s OK. You don’t really need it, do you?

So order now while supplies last, and keep it in mind until next year - when we hope to go with an up-and-coming trend and make Block Friday a Monday holiday.

Stuart Green is a freelance columnist. He can be reached at sagreen115@aolcom.