There’s a glorious time in every high school student’s life that marks the end of a phase, the finish line of all that hard work, the culmination of years and years of precise planning and dedication. A moment where the past, present, and future all combine into one beautiful, age-old moment of tradition.

This is, of course, the prom.

Oh, graduation? That’s nice too. I guess. Sure, why not. But graduation is more like the last dance after the last dance of the prom. By the time Pomp & Victim of Circumstances has played, the band has gone home.

But the prom means something different for each prom-goer, as they’re known for one night of their lives - OK, maybe two if you count the junior prom. And luckily, we at the Welcome to the Big Dance & Matzah Ball Research Lab have followed a pair of potential promenaders as they prep for what is sure to be something or other.

Jill, whose real name is Jill, begins to plan for the big night a little early - on her second day of kindergarten. Her mother wants her to wait a little while - maybe push it off until she reaches first grade. But Jill is worried her nails won’t dry in time.

Jack, who is affectionately known as Hey You’re Late For School Again, knows he has plenty of time before the big night - sometimes spelled as the BIG NIGHT, to emphasize both the event’s importance and oversized capital letters. Jack thinks about it maybe the night before. Oh, why rush it - the day of the prom will be plenty of time to plan.

Jill (rhymes with `Jill’) begins her quest for just the ideal dress - called a gown, for the night. She visits eight high-end dress shops, considers 15 styles, tries on 34 possibilities, and finally narrows it down to two or three... dozen.

Jack (doesn’t believe in rhymes) has his socks knocked off by a well-known sock-knocker when he is informed that he must go out and get a tux. “No way,” he says. “I don’t need to do that. I’m just not gonna do it. I hate those things. Um... what’s a tux?”

Jill (still Jill) gets the head-to-toe treatment - hair-do, double-ear piercing, lip extender, wrist tightener, ankle bracelet, high-heel lengthener.

Jack (forgot his name again) is looking for his left sneaker.

But it all works out in the end. Jill shows up in a gold-sequined, satin, semi-laced over-the-strap ball gown.

And, not to be outdone, Jack has forgotten the date and doesn’t show. But luckily, he gets box seats at Fenway and the Sox win it in extra innings.  
  

Stuart Green is a freelance columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].