Fixin’ up the First Fourth

They call me Sam, but you can call me Sam. I sweep up here at Independence Hall in Philadelphia, one of the grandest cities in the British Colonies. That’s because it’s part of the glorious British Empire, as in There will always be an England... or is that a Great Britain?

But there seems to be something brewing in the colonies, and I’m not just talking tea in the Boston Harbor. The year 1776 may be more than just a placeholder between 1775 and 1777. They may be talking about this year for four or five years – maybe more.

From my spot pushing a broom, I see all kinds of dirt in the Hall. There’s plenty of mud slung at our ruler and protector on the throne overseas, and most of it is carried in from our rebels with a cause from the town of the bean in Boston yonder.

I lit a few oil lamps for Bostoner John Adams to burn some midnight oil with another Boston native, the part-time inventor, full-time publisher, and overtime petticoat pursuer Benjamin Franklin. I hear they recruited that young red-headed regal chap named Thomas Jefferson, and a couple of other guys to round out the Freedom Five, as they call themselves behind closed doors.

But being the guy who empties the buckets at night, I get to see just what was up their frock sleeves and under their powdered wigs. Why, one time, I found a draft when they let Adams write that document asking for, what do they call it - oh, yeah, independence:

“Listen here, King George, or should I say Despot to Us All, you had just let us be independent. We’ve had enough of your laws, your rules, your soldiers. Why, just the other day, one of your Redcoat blokes had the unmitigated gall to ask Abigail for her secret apple crumb cake recipe. Let me end this by simply saying - We gone.”

I guess that’s not making it into the final version.

Now Franklin was a man of action. Just ask the young ladies of France. His draft that found its way into the round bucket showed a man of mind, heart and head:

“Well done is better than well said.”

“He that lies down with Dogs, shall rise up with fleas.”

“Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

He may be onto something with that last one.

But I think that Jefferson lad will get the final call. He knows how to grab your attention. I mean, I got a peek at this beauty:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

I mean, it has everything an historical document should have — poise, poetry, perceptive — and what penmanship! I’m sure the king will agree.