According to the latest poll, a majority of Americans don't read the latest poll. In fact, they don't read that they don't read the latest poll.

Of course, this has nothing to with the latest poll, so let's just forget I mentioned it.

But what with the crucial issues of our day constantly in the news - the wars, inflation, jobs, bare-knuckled steel-caged wrestling - people never had so many opportunities to watch videos on cats playing with balls of string.

And that is why the political landscape in this country is about to change for the butter - or at least a spreadable substitute. Americans are tired of being tired, and even more tired of having to decide exactly what to avoid while scrolling.

For those who have absolutely nothing better to do, you may want to pay attention to a new party that's sweeping the nation - or at least dusting the county. The I'm Pretty Sleepy Party is a political movement growing in inches and millimeters.

The new party, with its humble origins in Sleepy Hollow, is an off-shoot of the 19th century Know Nothing Party. While the Know Nothings wore its philosophy on its sleeve (after it came back from the cleaners), the Sleepers are taking it a step further. Not only don't they have an opinion on issues, but their platform calls for all party members to take mandatory naps during all news shows. (Technically, non-party members have been taking these naps for years, but this is the first time a party has prescribed sleeping pills for any holdouts.)

The Sleepers' motto is admittedly a work in progress. "A Mattress in Every Pot, A Pillow in Every Garage," was rejected on grounds of plagiarism, provincialism, and Depressionism. The equally curious, "We Won't Take it Lying Down - oh, Wait a Minute, We Will," was voted down on purely posture reasons. "Don't Wake Me Up When It's Over" was deemed a bit anti-climactic.

Finally, delegates decided on the brilliant slogan that embodies all that the party is trying to stand for - "Huh?" That, plus it'll really keep costs down when printed on a hat.

And that's where the party is today. But the group did just issue an urgent message to its followers, one which it insists must be followed precisely, exactly, and not at all: "C'mom, Mom, just give me five more minutes."

Stuart Green is a freelance columnist. He can be reached at sagreen115@aolcom.