Thanksgiving’s got to give a little

“I’d like to call this order to meeting, or rather meet this order, oh meeting to ordering.” (OK, you can do this. After all, you were voted the Pilgrim with the most Pull, weren’t you?)

“As I was not quite saying, I’d like to commence, begin and downright start the first and perhaps annual meeting of the Thanksgiving Look Back, Look Ahead, and Look Out Committee, on this November day, 1621.

“As any of you with any recall will recall, last year we inaugurated our very first Thanksgiving bonanza we called ‘1620: A Year of Hardship, Challenges, and Boiled Yams.’ Many of you will remember the delight we found when we first tasted that delicious, golden corn on the cob. And imagine our surprise when we discovered that it tasted even better when we peeled off the husk.

“But we are not here to revel in the glory of the past and pat ourselves on the back for past accomplishments. We are here to revel in the glory of the present and pat ourselves on the back for present accomplishments.

“Now, what are the concerns or suggestions that our Plantation planters and plebes may have for this year’s celebration? Yes, Brother Bart.”

“I think the invitations to our new friends in this new land should be personalized and not just say again, ‘Hey, tribal members, soup’s on next Thursday. Bring Your Own Maze.’ “

“Duly noted. Master Michael?”

“I want to pick up on the whole date thing. What’s the deal with this Thursday thing? I’ve got my farm to run, chickens to milk and crops to entertain. Anybody here ever heard of a weekend?”

“I hear you. Anyone else? Well, this is a little unusual, but I see the hand raised of one of our sisters. I will allow you to speak, Spinster Sally.”

“I humbly say, with some trepidation, good sir, that it was only the women who cleaned up the dishes last year. May we possibly consider some men to help out in this endeavor, if it pleases our good fellows in this request?”

“Such bold and arrogant speech. What is our new society coming to? Not only am I ruling you out of order, but I will make a recommendation to exile you back to where we came from - Provincetown.

“I’d like to end this meeting by inviting everyone to a sporting game before the big meal that we’re sure will be an annual tradition. Yes, of course we’re talking about Wallow in the Mudball. Just bring a ball – we’ll supply the mud. What could say Thanksgiving better?”

Stuart Green is a freelance columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].